It Changes You

Today I struggle to write this. Why? Because typically I'm a closed book. If there is something wrong then you'll see it before you know it but I most likely won't open up about it. Some people don't know this about me but growing up I was the only girl in the family. I have an older brother and a younger brother. Basically I was catered to my entire life. Anything I wanted I got. I'm so extremely thankful to my parents for always providing for me. Here's the thing though, it made me into a monster. While my parents were doing everything in their power to make sure I had everything I needed my little mind was being shaped into this girl who thought she deserved the world. Now, I agree that every woman should be spoiled and be taken care of so don't get me wrong there but for me I started to expect it and when I didn't get what I wanted or if I didn't control the situation I went crazy. I became this selfish, needy, overbearing, thoughtless, bossy, controlling hell to be around. If I didn't tell people what to do, where to go, or who to see then it was like anxiety took over until I was in control of the situation. What kind of life is that to live? Unless you're close to me you see this mask of a girl. I throw on a cute face and act like my world is peaches and roses when in reality I'm so broken inside. Broken because of the person I've become. I'm not saying this is my parents fault because it's not. I wouldn't be where I am today without them. They're the most amazing parents in the world. I've allowed myself to get like this. I guess I'm writing this to be a testimony to others. Let go of the small things and don't argue with people over petty issues. Let go and let people live their lives and until they ask you for your opinion keep it to yourself. Don't try to control every single situation in your life because it affects the ones you love the most. For me it's taken something life altering to change the way that I think but it doesn't have to be the same way for you. If you're reading this and the things I've described about myself are you then start working on yourself. Don't wait until something bad happens before you realize what a mess you are. The thing I've learned most of all is to trust God and to trust the process. I don't know if you're in the process of anything but if you are give it to God and know that he'll take care of you. He'll also change you, like he's changing me. Let God live in you so that your attitude reflects his. “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The Devil & Marriage

I'm 27 years old, I've been with the same man for 9 1/2 years, 2 of those married. I don't know a lot about marriage but what I do know is that no matter that happens in our marriage divorce isn't an option. When I stood in front of our family and friends and vowed to love this man through good and bad, sickness and health, rich or poor until death do us part I wasn't just promising that to my husband but also to God. Sure some days are tougher than others but the good will always outweigh the bad because we choose to not the allow the negative things in life to affect our marriage. With all of that being said I truly believe there's such a strong attack on marriages and it's our job as God fearing christians to stop it. The Bible clearly says that love is a powerful thing and when you allow that love to fade you're allowing the devil to creep in and do what he does best. Don't let life get in the way of your marriage. Go on dates, hold hands while walking through the grocery store, kiss her on the cheek while she's doing the dishes, wink at him from across the room. The moment you give up and stop trying is the opportunity you give the devil to come in and steal your marriage. Love isn't easy but it's so worth it and when God sends you a spouse he doesn't do it with divorce in mind, we do that, the devil does that. We allow divorce to be an option. For Ryan and I we don't udder the word in our home no matter how mad we may get because that just gives the devil reason to start working. So fight for your marriage and love through the storms because there will be storms, it's just up to us how we let it affect us and our marriage. “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-5, 7, 11-13 NTL

Excited About Life

For the first time in a VERY long time I woke up excited this morning. Now my husband will tell you I'm not a morning person and never will be but today I got up, showered, got ready and dressed, and headed to work with a smile on my face. It wasn't because I love my job because we all know that isn't the case but because I know God is about to open doors and allow some great opportunities to start happening in my life. I'm excited to see this path that God has for me because I know it's a great, how could it not be if God has it planned out!?! The devil may try to get me down but I'm pushing back from now on because I serve a mighty God who can perform the impossible. I have to let go of the things I can't control and put my faith in God that he's not going to let me fail, that's the only way I'll be happy in life. I've allowed depression to creep in and tell me that my life is never going to change, that I'll always be stuck at a dead end job with nothing to look forward to in life but that isn't true and I knew it. I allowed the devil to steal my happiness and I had to put on a "happy mask" every time I was around people and act like everything was okay when inside I was broken and miserable. I'm tired of pretending and I'm tired of allowing the devil to control my thoughts. It's time to stop living to fear and being depressed and allow God to do what he does best and that's meet the need and opening new doors for new opportunities. I'm looking forward to the things he has in store for me because I just know it's great things!

A Letter To My Parents

At this point in my life, I’m considered an adult. Yes, maybe sometimes I don’t completely act like it, but that’s part of life, right? As I’m growing up, I realize just how much you did for me. And, for that, I need to truly thank you – something I don’t think I’ve appropriately done to date.

Dad, thank you for telling me what I’m capable of. For giving me the support that I needed to build a dream to chase after. And for believing that I have the talent to reach my goals.
Mom, thank you for making me realize that I’m worth everything in this world. That I must be treated like a queen, and that I should never settle for less than what I deserve.

Dad, thank you for spending countless hours after you got home from work each night to do homework with me.
Mom, thank you for giving me a shoulder to cry on when boys broke my heart, and to let me know that my world wasn’t crashing down around me – as much as I believed it was at the time.

Dad, thank you for understanding when I take a leap of faith. And for supporting me in my journey even if it doesn’t seem logical at times. For recognizing that it’s what I need to do, and hearing me out.
Mom, thank you for your personality. For sharing your love of life, sense of humor, excitement for every experience, ability to befriend a stranger, and courage to look fear directly in the face until it backs down.

Dad, thank you for showing me what hard work looks like. For showing me that nothing comes easy, and that countless hours of blood, sweat and tears really does pay off.
Mom, thank you for showing me what a true battle looks like. For never giving up and for still being an active, involved, and dedicated mother to my brothers and me, even when you clearly didn’t have the energy to do so.

Dad, thank you for showing me how a man should treat a woman. For proving that chivalry isn’t dead, and giving me baseline expectations for the very least of what I should accept.
Mom, thank you for showing me how to fight for what I believe in. In life, love, and everything in between. For giving me the strength to stand up for myself and expect nothing less than the very best.

To both of you, Mom and Dad, thank you for showing me true love in its rarest form, what it feels like, and how it can extend beyond life’s obstacles and challenges. Without each of you, I’d be nowhere near the person I am – and the person I’m still working on becoming. There aren’t enough words in the world to express my appreciation, but I think this is a good start. I owe you one.

Sincerely,
Your Daughter

God's plan for me

Some days our minds have a difficult time understanding God’s plan. At least that’s true for me. I’m guessing it’s true for you too. We want so desperately to “get it all.” To see God’s plan for the future. To understand how it is all going to work out right here on this earth. In this decade. Or this year. Or this week. Or this second. Unfortunately, we can’t see the future. When I can’t understand God’s plan, there is a question I find myself asking: "Where is God in all this?" The more I’ve been reflecting on this question recently, the more I’ve realized that the problem is not where God is, because God is everywhere. The problem is that I’m asking the wrong question. You see, the question I should be asking is: "Why can’t I see God in this? "Because His fingerprints are all over His handiwork. Even when bad things happen to good people, He molds and reshapes until you can’t even recognize the bad anymore. It’s a plan called “redemption.” So I’ve stopped asking God where He is. I mean, it’s pretty obvious that He’s been here since before the beginning of time and He’s not going anywhere. I’ve started asking Him to reveal Himself to me. "Lord, help me see your work in this situation." I know God has a plan for me (whatever it may be), so you can be certain that God does indeed have a plan for you too. And the best way to discover that plan is to discover how He made you. This means taking an honest look at who you are – not seeing yourself too highly nor too lowly – and taking inventory of your strengths and weaknesses. Doesn’t it make sense that we would be created to accomplish what God wants? Yet, most Christians don’t even know what their strengths and weaknesses are, nor are they aware of their spiritual gifts. And as a result, they have no idea where they fit in the body of Christ and how to serve God and others. God will never leave or forsake you, even when you think that you’re alone he’s there. Jeremiah 1:5 says "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." I may not know my full potential yet but I know it’s for great things and I know without a doubt God holds my blueprints in his hand and that he guides me every day. No matter what I won’t stop, backup, pause, or doubt the path he has me on because I know that with him I cannot fail.

Do Unto Others

Typically I like to get away from the hustle and bustle of the office and I will go find a nice spot to park and eat in my car. A few days ago I was doing just that and decided to park at Burger King located downtown, which is a place I park a lot. That day there was a homeless man sitting on the curb about 10 yards away from me, I would say he was about 70. He was dirty, smoking an old cigarette that he most likely found on the ground, and talking to himself. I sat and watched him and found myself thinking "What a disgusting person! I mean he's sitting there talking to himself, he must be crazy!! If he can afford to buy cigarettes he should be able to buy food for himself!" I was thinking those things about this man I knew nothing about.   
As I continued to watch him sit there in the cold I noticed a man walk up and pull a hamburger out of a bag and give it to the homeless man. The man bowed his head in thanks and began to eat the hamburger like he hadn't eaten in a month. All the sudden I felt something come over me, I felt so terrible for judging this man and I felt lead to read Matthew 25: 34-40 and when I did I knew it was God that was directing me to that verse. 

Matthew 25:34-40(NIV) 34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ 40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

I truly believe that the Lord and his angels disguises themselves so that our faith can be tested. We never know what a person is going through or what happened to have them in the situation their in but it's our job as Christians not to judge and to go outside the four walls of our church to bless others. It's not to sit in our car and watch from a far  but to reach out to those who are hurting or in need. Hebrews 13:2 it says “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it". How amazing is that? That we've possible come in contact with an angel and didn't even know it and we got the opportunity to bless him/her. 
So next time you see someone in need put your pride or fear aside and go out of your way to bless that person because you blessing them could mean a complete turn around for their life. Never ever judge someone because you have never walked a day in their shoes, you don't know what's happened in their life but instead pray for them. Matthew 25:40 says The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ So even if it makes you uncomfortable to step outside your box and help someone just know that you're also blessing God and you will receive you reward for that.

Follow your dreams

For a long time, since I graduated high school 8 years ago, I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to do with my life. I knew I wanted to be a wife and a mother and one day be able to stay home and raise my children. I knew that God put something inside of me, a purpose, a calling just like he had everyone else but it was up to me whether or not I wanted to follow that calling. For a very very long time I fought that calling/purpose and told myself I wasn't good enough to do what God designed me to do. What is my purpose you ask? My purpose and calling is my open my own daycare. Crazy right? Some people would think so because that's not their calling but for me it's been a dream I've thought about for years. To mentor tiny little children, to help them grow, to teach them the bible and the love of God, and to show them love that they may not get at home. For so long I've allowed fear to take over and the devil to whisper in my ear "it will fail, you will fail, and nothing you do is ever going to make you succeed". It's a lie that I bought into for years but finally now I'm more than ready to make my dreams come true. I've sat behind a desk far too long knowing exactly what needed to happen  but ignoring the will of God for my life. I've made it a goal in 2016 that by December 31st, 2016 I will have a successful daycare center. Will it be hard? Absolutely! Will I want to give up? Probably. Will I give up? HECK NO! Will I fail? Not with God! If you want to follow your dream then stop waiting and just do it! Life's too short & tomorrow's not guaranteed so do what makes you happy.