It Changes You

Today I struggle to write this. Why? Because typically I'm a closed book. If there is something wrong then you'll see it before you know it but I most likely won't open up about it. Some people don't know this about me but growing up I was the only girl in the family. I have an older brother and a younger brother. Basically I was catered to my entire life. Anything I wanted I got. I'm so extremely thankful to my parents for always providing for me. Here's the thing though, it made me into a monster. While my parents were doing everything in their power to make sure I had everything I needed my little mind was being shaped into this girl who thought she deserved the world. Now, I agree that every woman should be spoiled and be taken care of so don't get me wrong there but for me I started to expect it and when I didn't get what I wanted or if I didn't control the situation I went crazy. I became this selfish, needy, overbearing, thoughtless, bossy, controlling hell to be around. If I didn't tell people what to do, where to go, or who to see then it was like anxiety took over until I was in control of the situation. What kind of life is that to live? Unless you're close to me you see this mask of a girl. I throw on a cute face and act like my world is peaches and roses when in reality I'm so broken inside. Broken because of the person I've become. I'm not saying this is my parents fault because it's not. I wouldn't be where I am today without them. They're the most amazing parents in the world. I've allowed myself to get like this. I guess I'm writing this to be a testimony to others. Let go of the small things and don't argue with people over petty issues. Let go and let people live their lives and until they ask you for your opinion keep it to yourself. Don't try to control every single situation in your life because it affects the ones you love the most. For me it's taken something life altering to change the way that I think but it doesn't have to be the same way for you. If you're reading this and the things I've described about myself are you then start working on yourself. Don't wait until something bad happens before you realize what a mess you are. The thing I've learned most of all is to trust God and to trust the process. I don't know if you're in the process of anything but if you are give it to God and know that he'll take care of you. He'll also change you, like he's changing me. Let God live in you so that your attitude reflects his. “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬